How Do You Know You Are Done Having Kids?
When I talk to a lot of families they tell me they knew when they had their last child that it was their last one, they had a moment and they knew their family was complete.
I know during my third pregnancy one of the ways I got through the back pain, pelvic pain, sleepless nights and more was the fact that I told myself this would be the LAST time I would ever be pregnant. Once I had my third son I was pretty sure that I was done having kids. I mean I have three boys and I cannot leave the house without someone saying, “Whoa, you have got your hands full”, but fast forward now that my “baby” is 18 months old I have to admit I may not be as sure.
My husband on the other hand is done; he has made an appointment to see a doctor for his referral and is ready for surgery. After a week of vacation with the three boys he was even more positive about the decision. I think that is what makes this decision all more final is that he wants to have the surgery as soon as he can.
When I think about all of the logical reasons I think that three kids is more than enough and yes in reality most of the time I do “have my hands full”, but I was hoping I would have a stronger feeling that my family is complete.
I know when families think about having kids they asked themselves
Do we have the time?
Some days I think I am already stretched out running around picking up and dropping people off what would happen if there was another person to take care of?
2. Can we afford it?
Let’s be honest babies are expensive, maybe not so much at first but they are a life long investment, well worth every penny.
I know one dad who was set on only having one child because as a kid he didn’t get want he wanted since the family was always spending money on the other sibling.
3. Do we have the space?
I don’t think every kid needs their own room but do you have space for another family member, does it mean you will have to buy a new vehicle. I know one family with four girls who have a super sized van and that is how they get around.
4. Are you ready to go back to the newborn stage?
I know lots of families that change their minds about having another child because their youngest has just gotten out of the baby phase and they start to like the independence and freedom, sometimes they even get to sleep in!
5. Are you sure this what you want?
We all have those moments when we realize our babes aren’t so little anymore but we know what it means to have another one. It is the most amazing thing in the world but it is also the hardest thing in the world. Have you really thought it through?
I was talking to another mom the other day and she said she knew she was done having kids when she would see a newborn and no longer feel the need to hold them. Of course it is always nice to hold and snuggle a new baby, but she no longer had the need.
I have to admit the idea of having no more diapers, no more sleepless nights (or less) and having some mommy independence does sound appealing. I have even started to sell some of my baby items and am pretty excited to see what my house looks like again. There are a few items I have held onto for sentimental reasons and maybe later on I will be ready to see them go, but there is no harm to hold on for now.
I think for me it is going to be a process, there is not going to be a big sign and there is not going to be an AHA moment, but for now my family is pretty amazing and complete.